I never got around to blogging about this....

I meant to write a blog about something that happened to me while I was home for Christmas, but I never got around to it. I think I'll get a kick out of re-reading this story to myself a few years down the road and if I don't blog about it I might end up forgetting about it.

Anyway, my little brother, Kevin and I were at Shnuck's Grocery Store doing some shopping for our mom. We had a decent sized list of stuff we were supposed to be picking up for her. About half-way through our list I had a pretty instant onset of "If I don't poop in the next 20 minutes it is not going to be a good thing". I decided I was going to try to tough it out and finish the shopping trip and just hold it until I got home. This was going to put me over the 20 minute mark, but I am pretty good at convincing myself that I can always hold it much longer than it feels like I can. Also, it is always nice to poop in the comfort of your own home rather than a grocery store bathroom. Apparently, I was a little overzealous about my ability to will myself into holding it and with about 5 items left on the list I told Kevin he was going to have to finish up because I it was go time.

Running was out of the question (for obvious reasons if you have ever had to poop this bad) so I did the butt clenched quick walk back towards the bathrooms. The bathrooms at Shnucks are one person bathrooms and OF COURSE the men's restroom was occupied. Usually, it takes somewhat of an emergency before I will consider using the women's restroom, but this was a no brainer. Using the women's restroom in a situation like this always feels so wrong to me for some reason. I always fear that a woman will catch me coming out and think the worst thoughts imaginable about me.

The lock for this bathroom was the kind where you have to push the metal button in to lock it and then to unlock it you just turn the handle. About mid-way through of me taking care of business one of my worst fears came to fruition...someone tried to come in the locked bathroom and then knocked when they couldn't get in just to make sure it was occupied. Obviously, I felt really weird about using the women's restroom in the first place so I didn't make a peep and just hoped they would get tired of waiting and they would be gone by the time I finished. Afterall, it was going to be an unpleasant experience for anyone that had to use this restroom for a good 15 minutes after I was done. I certainly didn't want to have to look a woman in the eye whom I had just made wait to use the restroom that I had just stunk up. A few minutes went by and apparently they had decided that no one was in there (since I didn't speak up the first time they knocked) and this time they shook the door handle from the outside semi-violently. I couldn't say anything now for sure so I just sat there pooping and staring intently at the locked button on the door handle while they shook it from the outside.....POP! The door unlocked! Now, I had no choice...it was time to shamefully reveal my masculine identity and I quickly shouted out "Don't come in! I'll be done in just a minute!" She apologized and I am sure she was just as startled as I was.

Of course she was still waiting outside as I took the walk of shame upon leaving the bathroom. I apologetically said to her "I had to go really bad and couldn't wait on the Men's." She was cool about it and didn't make me feel like too much of a criminal, but it sure was embarrassing! My advice to you should you ever be in a similar situation is to speak up the first time they knock, because you never know when the lock on the door could decide to malfunction at exactly the WRONG time.

In case this story wasn't descriptive enough for you here is an actual photograph that Eric took of me in Orlando a few years ago when he picked the lock for the sole purpose of taking an embarrassing picture of me. As you can tell I get embarrassed very easily since I am choosing to post this in my own blog...ENJOY!